Friday 5 October 2007
Two-minute Freewrite (4)
An hour later the tide had completely cut us off from our heated dinners that were waiting. In desperation each one of my cousins jumped fully dressed into the bay's sheltered, but freezing, water and swam back to the site. Meanwhile I, in my infinite knowledge, waited for the tide to turn.
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2 comments:
Why do you skip to an hour later? This is a personal account, surely, rather than a news report - what were you doing? Have your cousins names? Are they older/younger/same age? You're beginning to tell, having forgotten to show, and I'm not believing the story any more.
Better, but you have to give a name or two - make these cousins real!
BTW: you wanting lessons in your hols? Make sure you tell me tomorrow if not (Monday)
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